I really enjoyed this story Jillian! As a reader I could tell how much emotion that Eleanor felt. I feel that you truly sold her loneliness and wish for company. I also enjoyed how you made the King be somewhat of a bad character without even having him truly involved. I was wondering though, what exactly do the people feel about her being away for so long? I also wonder what types of stories Pierre will tell her upon his return. I was thinking that it would be great for your next stories if you were to use them as Pierre (or whoever he brings back )telling her different stories. Also what if you told stories about Eleanor from the Guard's perspectives? These are just ideas, but I couldn't really find a way for you to fix this story because it was written so well and obviously was a lead into other stories. I can't wait to read more of your stories to come!
Hi Jillian! I really enjoyed reading your intro! Your writing is beautiful and you did an amazing job of getting the reader to really feel what Eleanor was feeling. While I'm really excited to get to hear all different kinds of stories, I also want to hear more about Eleanor. I was wondering, as I was reading, what exactly the background for Eleanor being imprisoned is? I don't think it's super important to the rest of the story but it may be something to consider putting on the homepage of your blog. I'm just really curious about stuff like that and would love to have that info. I can't wait to hear the stories that get brought to Eleanor! Are they going to all be of the same genre, like will they all be stories from the middle ages or will there be some Greek mythology or African stories? That would be really cool to read and would make sense since people from all over would be coming to visit her. Can't wait to read more throughout the semester!
Hey Jillian, what a great introduction to your storybook! I think you are a very descriptive writer and that is a great thing because as a reader it can be sometimes hard to follow exactly what you are trying to write. But I think you did an amazing job of allowing the reader to visualize exactly what you were thinking of when describing the character of Eleanor and where she was being held captive. Also, the picture at the bottom is a great addition. As I was reading through, I wonder what the connection between Eleanor and Pierre is. Are the related or ex lovers or anything? This could be a potential diversion from the main point of your story, but it may make for a plot twist ending. I am excited to see the stories that Pierre brings back to her. Are they going to be different kinds of mythology or are they all going to follow one major culture mythology? Additionally, the way you have written makes for a great introduction because it leaves the readers intrigued as to what is to come in the following year for Eleanor. Keep up the great work!
Hi Jillian, I am quite excited to read the troubadours' stories! Will they all be from Eleanor's time period or are you going to incorporate others as well? Will we learn more about Eleanor's life as the story goes on, or will the stories you add be simply what the troubadours tell? I think either could work, but it would be nice to keep the plot about Eleanor going. It would be interesting to hear one from Pierre's perspective. You do a good job introducing all the major characters, but I think it would be nice to get multiple perspectives. I like the picture of Eleanor's tomb on the home page, and I think it might be nice to have a picture in the header on the second page. Perhaps an old-fashioned looking map that includes Aquitaine and England to set the stage? I am familiar with Aquitaine, but not everyone might be. I like the castle picture.
Hello, Jillian! Your introduction is so interesting and really captures the reader’s imagination. I love seeing this story from Eleanor’s point of view. Your story is so thoughtful, I can tell how much research you have put into the story. I look forward to seeing how that storybook will be developed. As I finished up reading your introduction, I found myself wishing that you have given a little more detail as to what stories we will hear. I also wish that you had given the reader a little more detail about Eleanor’s relationship with Pierre. I wonder why he would take such risk for Eleanor. Could their stories be the only reason he was willing to take such a risk? It also might have been cool if you had done more of a recap as to why Eleanor is imprisoned. I feel like this story gives the reader so insight to her character.
I really liked your introduction! The problem that I have with most introduction is that they are either too specific and leave very little for the reader to interpret, or they are too confident in the fact that readers are automatically drawn in, so that they do very little to introduce the reader to the world. I think you did a perfect job in that you were able to deliver a set up that truly showed us what was going on in this world. Towards the end, you also did an immaculate job at teasing us as to what is to come. The idea that readers will be exposed to a variety of stories and story telling themes tells me your story-book will be incredibly diverse. My only suggest to you is to be careful! At this moment, I do not know if the entrapped queen is a primary or a secondary plot point, but nevertheless, do not forget about her and try to give her a fitting end at the end of the semester. Keep up the good work; I look forward to how this story progresses!
Hi Jillian! Wow, I'm glad I picked your Storybook to read this week! Your introduction flows so beautifully and contains a great amount of emotion. You painted the pains and delights of Eleanor's life so vividly that it didn't take me long to start rooting for her. I love the aspect of the troubadours as storytellers; I'm sure that whatever stories you retell will be enhanced by the knowledge that they're being told to an imprisoned queen. I must admit that I didn't know who Eleanor of Aquitaine was and had to look her up. It might be helpful to your readers if you included a sentence or two on your home page that includes a little information about her (name, dates lived, imprisonment) and the fact that she was a real person. That way, your readers know that they're reading a story inspired by a real historical figure and don't have to wonder whether you invented the frame-tale's plot and characters. I hope I'll remember to revisit your Storybook at the end of the semester, because what you've written is beautifully done.
Hi Jillian! I think your storybook is really good! The way you write really makes me feel empathy for poor Eleanor! I can't imagine being trapped in a castle for so long! One thing that would be helpful is if you explained who Eleanor was. I understand she is believed to be a real person, but who was she married to? If her son was trying to overthrow his father, her own husband, he must be really bad right? And yet he is nice enough to let her have free range of a CASTLE even though she is technically in prison! I can imagine how lonely it must be to be all alone in such a big place with no friends or family to be there with you! I really liked the story about the magic pike, it was refreshing to see two young people in love end up not only surviving but thriving! Keep up the good story telling!
I had never heard of Eleanor of Aquitaine, let alone that she was imprisoned for 16 years. I was intrigued to learn more about her before I got to the introduction. The introduction itself provided a great start and background to the storybook. Her reflection in the introduction helped set her character, she was once a powerful leader and now she imprisoned by one. I enjoyed reading your first story, I can understand why you included it. As you mentioned in the Author’s Note, it seems as though Eleanor would be able to relate. I’m glad that she gets to hear of someone having a happy ending. I really like how you ended the story, it reminded me of the quote that a reader lives a thousand lifetimes, which is really fitting for this storybook. I am familiar with the second tale and I like that you told it from the perspective of Swarmi, it added a different side to the story. The fact that you have these travelers be connected to power is an interesting idea, that you have carried out well. Keep up the good work!
Hello, Jillian! Great work on your storybook so far! I had never heard of Eleanor of Aquitaine, but I love that you chose to write about a powerful woman.
First of all I really appreciated the small foreword on your home page. Since I was not familiar with Eleanor it gave me a great idea of what was happening before the stories began. Even though there are many clues of the time, period with the troubadours and King Henry II, some people may not really clue in to the era that she actually lived. Maybe on the first page you could put the year this took place?
Anyways, I loved your story of the First Visit! You are a phenomenal writer and the story really did go well with the storybook since it too was about a woman being held back! My one question was about the comment about the man being Christian? I don't know the exact time period but I thought the Vikings practiced a Pagan religion with multiple gods and goddesses.
Jillian, I just visited your storybook project. As soon as I read "Eleanor of Aquitaine" I thought that it had to be your project that I was reading, lol. On the homepage, I would explain what a troubadour is for anyone who doesn't know. I really like the idea of telling your storybook from the perspective of a woman locked away for sixteen years. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of oppression, so it is great that you made it your goal to give her a voice by writing on real events that she lived through. As for the writing style, I would experiment with different sentence lengths because they are all relatively the same length now. Even though the story flows in a nice direction and appropriate dialogue, the sentences can feel choppy, but that is an easy fix. Also, a lot of sentences begin with the same set of words, such as "She..." Playing around with different ways to start your phrases will make the reading experience all the more interesting. Good job on this!
Hi there Jillian! It is so nice to meet you!! Girl, I am BLOWN away by your storytelling abilities. I mean seriously. You did SO good on your storybook!! I got so lost in reading the stories that I genuinely forgot that I was on a student's storybook, and supposed to be doing an assignment. I am glad that you distinguished in your introduction that this is based off of a real person, who was imprisoned by her husband, but I assume that everything else you have come up with on your own? The stories that you have the characters come in and tell to the queen are incredible. I even recognized the story from the African Tribe leader, so cool!! The only thing I can say, is that so far I am unclear as to where the story is going to climax, or maybe what the intentions of the queen are? Maybe that is not something you will reveal until the end, or I just wasn't able to infer from the reading.. Either way, great work!! Happy writing!
Hey Jillian! I really liked your stories. It was also cool because it is based around a real person/ real events. I wonder what she would think if she was able to read these stories? The story that really stuck out to me was "Second Visit: The South." By this time the reader is already accustomed to the characters a bit and you are able to really grow your story, and you did a fantastic job! I think the dialogue was really well placed and helped to advance the story a lot. The exposition was also really well placed. You were able to provide sufficient backstory for your characters without making it a drag. I also enjoyed the image choices that you chose for this project. I think it does a great job of displaying something for the reader. Great work!
Hello Jillian! The design of your storybook page makes it very clear and simple to navigate throughout your stories and the titles for each one were easy to follow. Your storytelling ability is amazing and I appreciated all the detail you added to your stories to make it seem as if one could visualize what was going on. I thought it was pretty cool to use a real person for your stories and I actually even researched Eleanor to get a little more background since I was into the stories. The first story was my favorite one as it reminded me of something I had read and wrote about before in the semester. I thought it was a little strange at first that the Viking King gave consent for his daughter to marry the man since I picture a Viking to be a big, mean, stubborn man especially since he was king. So maybe there could have been a little more drama there but it really doesn't need any changing. I really enjoyed your stories!
Hey Jillian, I really like that on the Home Page you have a small explanation about Eleanor, it helped me with some background information before I began to read the stories. I decided to read all of the stories. I really enjoyed your witting and how you combined the two tales to intertwine so smoothly. I enjoyed how you took created a new tale story with each section. Even though you felt you had to skim back on some of the details because of word count restrictions, I think you did a great job of getting Eleanor’s story told and the troubadours story told very well. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather passing away. It seems like you were able to show the love the two of you shared in your writing with Eleanor and her grandfather. It gave the story a more realistic family love. Great writing and a really great project.
Jillian (honestly, almost called you Eleanor), I see that you do not have a picture relating to your story on this comment wall. I feel as though you are losing so many readers due to this mistake. If you would put a picture on the comment wall like the assignment said to do, your readers would have a much better picture of what your project would be. It would give them more of an incentive to read your story. I enjoyed reading your backstory or "foreword" about Eleanor and why you chose to write about her. I think most of our classmates ignored the Home page of their storybook, so this intro was refreshing. I'm also surprised to see you wrote four whole stories. I think your dialogue could use some flow, but the first story was fine. If you wanted some forward feedback, I would say that your story could be more visually appealing. You don't have many pictures, and the ones you have are only of Eleanor. It would be better to have more action pictures and some pictures of the setting and other characters.
I read your Storybook wayyyyyyy back at the beginning of the semester when there was only an introduction. I'm so glad I got the chance to read it again, especially now that it's finished! I'm so glad that you added a little background about Eleanor to your homepage. It really helped prepare me as a reader for what this was going to be about because you intro is basically a fifth story and just dives right in. For all of your stories, it was really helpful to have the story told by the troubadour be in italics. My favorite of visit was the last one where she got to go home for Christmas. I thought it was beautifully written and a perfect end to your Storybook. It’s very clear that this Storybook meant a lot to you and took a lot of time and care with choosing what to write, especially with the last story. I thought it was really nice that this story had a connection to your own grandfather and that you were able to use your Storybook to remember him. You did an amazing job on this and congrats on finishing!
I really enjoyed this story Jillian! As a reader I could tell how much emotion that Eleanor felt. I feel that you truly sold her loneliness and wish for company. I also enjoyed how you made the King be somewhat of a bad character without even having him truly involved. I was wondering though, what exactly do the people feel about her being away for so long? I also wonder what types of stories Pierre will tell her upon his return. I was thinking that it would be great for your next stories if you were to use them as Pierre (or whoever he brings back )telling her different stories. Also what if you told stories about Eleanor from the Guard's perspectives? These are just ideas, but I couldn't really find a way for you to fix this story because it was written so well and obviously was a lead into other stories. I can't wait to read more of your stories to come!
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian! I really enjoyed reading your intro! Your writing is beautiful and you did an amazing job of getting the reader to really feel what Eleanor was feeling. While I'm really excited to get to hear all different kinds of stories, I also want to hear more about Eleanor. I was wondering, as I was reading, what exactly the background for Eleanor being imprisoned is? I don't think it's super important to the rest of the story but it may be something to consider putting on the homepage of your blog. I'm just really curious about stuff like that and would love to have that info. I can't wait to hear the stories that get brought to Eleanor! Are they going to all be of the same genre, like will they all be stories from the middle ages or will there be some Greek mythology or African stories? That would be really cool to read and would make sense since people from all over would be coming to visit her. Can't wait to read more throughout the semester!
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian, what a great introduction to your storybook! I think you are a very descriptive writer and that is a great thing because as a reader it can be sometimes hard to follow exactly what you are trying to write. But I think you did an amazing job of allowing the reader to visualize exactly what you were thinking of when describing the character of Eleanor and where she was being held captive. Also, the picture at the bottom is a great addition. As I was reading through, I wonder what the connection between Eleanor and Pierre is. Are the related or ex lovers or anything? This could be a potential diversion from the main point of your story, but it may make for a plot twist ending. I am excited to see the stories that Pierre brings back to her. Are they going to be different kinds of mythology or are they all going to follow one major culture mythology? Additionally, the way you have written makes for a great introduction because it leaves the readers intrigued as to what is to come in the following year for Eleanor. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian,
ReplyDeleteI am quite excited to read the troubadours' stories! Will they all be from Eleanor's time period or are you going to incorporate others as well? Will we learn more about Eleanor's life as the story goes on, or will the stories you add be simply what the troubadours tell? I think either could work, but it would be nice to keep the plot about Eleanor going. It would be interesting to hear one from Pierre's perspective. You do a good job introducing all the major characters, but I think it would be nice to get multiple perspectives.
I like the picture of Eleanor's tomb on the home page, and I think it might be nice to have a picture in the header on the second page. Perhaps an old-fashioned looking map that includes Aquitaine and England to set the stage? I am familiar with Aquitaine, but not everyone might be. I like the castle picture.
Hello, Jillian!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is so interesting and really captures the reader’s imagination. I love seeing this story from Eleanor’s point of view. Your story is so thoughtful, I can tell how much research you have put into the story. I look forward to seeing how that storybook will be developed. As I finished up reading your introduction, I found myself wishing that you have given a little more detail as to what stories we will hear. I also wish that you had given the reader a little more detail about Eleanor’s relationship with Pierre. I wonder why he would take such risk for Eleanor. Could their stories be the only reason he was willing to take such a risk? It also might have been cool if you had done more of a recap as to why Eleanor is imprisoned. I feel like this story gives the reader so insight to her character.
Hey Jillian,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your introduction! The problem that I have with most introduction is that they are either too specific and leave very little for the reader to interpret, or they are too confident in the fact that readers are automatically drawn in, so that they do very little to introduce the reader to the world. I think you did a perfect job in that you were able to deliver a set up that truly showed us what was going on in this world. Towards the end, you also did an immaculate job at teasing us as to what is to come. The idea that readers will be exposed to a variety of stories and story telling themes tells me your story-book will be incredibly diverse. My only suggest to you is to be careful! At this moment, I do not know if the entrapped queen is a primary or a secondary plot point, but nevertheless, do not forget about her and try to give her a fitting end at the end of the semester.
Keep up the good work; I look forward to how this story progresses!
Hi Jillian!
ReplyDeleteWow, I'm glad I picked your Storybook to read this week! Your introduction flows so beautifully and contains a great amount of emotion. You painted the pains and delights of Eleanor's life so vividly that it didn't take me long to start rooting for her. I love the aspect of the troubadours as storytellers; I'm sure that whatever stories you retell will be enhanced by the knowledge that they're being told to an imprisoned queen. I must admit that I didn't know who Eleanor of Aquitaine was and had to look her up. It might be helpful to your readers if you included a sentence or two on your home page that includes a little information about her (name, dates lived, imprisonment) and the fact that she was a real person. That way, your readers know that they're reading a story inspired by a real historical figure and don't have to wonder whether you invented the frame-tale's plot and characters. I hope I'll remember to revisit your Storybook at the end of the semester, because what you've written is beautifully done.
Hi Jillian! I think your storybook is really good! The way you write really makes me feel empathy for poor Eleanor! I can't imagine being trapped in a castle for so long! One thing that would be helpful is if you explained who Eleanor was. I understand she is believed to be a real person, but who was she married to? If her son was trying to overthrow his father, her own husband, he must be really bad right? And yet he is nice enough to let her have free range of a CASTLE even though she is technically in prison! I can imagine how lonely it must be to be all alone in such a big place with no friends or family to be there with you! I really liked the story about the magic pike, it was refreshing to see two young people in love end up not only surviving but thriving! Keep up the good story telling!
ReplyDeleteI had never heard of Eleanor of Aquitaine, let alone that she was imprisoned for 16 years. I was intrigued to learn more about her before I got to the introduction. The introduction itself provided a great start and background to the storybook. Her reflection in the introduction helped set her character, she was once a powerful leader and now she imprisoned by one. I enjoyed reading your first story, I can understand why you included it. As you mentioned in the Author’s Note, it seems as though Eleanor would be able to relate. I’m glad that she gets to hear of someone having a happy ending. I really like how you ended the story, it reminded me of the quote that a reader lives a thousand lifetimes, which is really fitting for this storybook. I am familiar with the second tale and I like that you told it from the perspective of Swarmi, it added a different side to the story. The fact that you have these travelers be connected to power is an interesting idea, that you have carried out well. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHello, Jillian! Great work on your storybook so far! I had never heard of Eleanor of Aquitaine, but I love that you chose to write about a powerful woman.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all I really appreciated the small foreword on your home page. Since I was not familiar with Eleanor it gave me a great idea of what was happening before the stories began. Even though there are many clues of the time, period with the troubadours and King Henry II, some people may not really clue in to the era that she actually lived. Maybe on the first page you could put the year this took place?
Anyways, I loved your story of the First Visit! You are a phenomenal writer and the story really did go well with the storybook since it too was about a woman being held back! My one question was about the comment about the man being Christian? I don't know the exact time period but I thought the Vikings practiced a Pagan religion with multiple gods and goddesses.
Anyways, great work!
Jillian, I just visited your storybook project. As soon as I read "Eleanor of Aquitaine" I thought that it had to be your project that I was reading, lol. On the homepage, I would explain what a troubadour is for anyone who doesn't know. I really like the idea of telling your storybook from the perspective of a woman locked away for sixteen years. I cannot even begin to imagine that kind of oppression, so it is great that you made it your goal to give her a voice by writing on real events that she lived through. As for the writing style, I would experiment with different sentence lengths because they are all relatively the same length now. Even though the story flows in a nice direction and appropriate dialogue, the sentences can feel choppy, but that is an easy fix. Also, a lot of sentences begin with the same set of words, such as "She..." Playing around with different ways to start your phrases will make the reading experience all the more interesting. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHi there Jillian! It is so nice to meet you!!
ReplyDeleteGirl, I am BLOWN away by your storytelling abilities. I mean seriously. You did SO good on your storybook!! I got so lost in reading the stories that I genuinely forgot that I was on a student's storybook, and supposed to be doing an assignment. I am glad that you distinguished in your introduction that this is based off of a real person, who was imprisoned by her husband, but I assume that everything else you have come up with on your own? The stories that you have the characters come in and tell to the queen are incredible. I even recognized the story from the African Tribe leader, so cool!!
The only thing I can say, is that so far I am unclear as to where the story is going to climax, or maybe what the intentions of the queen are? Maybe that is not something you will reveal until the end, or I just wasn't able to infer from the reading..
Either way, great work!! Happy writing!
Hey Jillian!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your stories. It was also cool because it is based around a real person/ real events. I wonder what she would think if she was able to read these stories?
The story that really stuck out to me was "Second Visit: The South." By this time the reader is already accustomed to the characters a bit and you are able to really grow your story, and you did a fantastic job! I think the dialogue was really well placed and helped to advance the story a lot. The exposition was also really well placed. You were able to provide sufficient backstory for your characters without making it a drag.
I also enjoyed the image choices that you chose for this project. I think it does a great job of displaying something for the reader. Great work!
Hello Jillian! The design of your storybook page makes it very clear and simple to navigate throughout your stories and the titles for each one were easy to follow. Your storytelling ability is amazing and I appreciated all the detail you added to your stories to make it seem as if one could visualize what was going on. I thought it was pretty cool to use a real person for your stories and I actually even researched Eleanor to get a little more background since I was into the stories. The first story was my favorite one as it reminded me of something I had read and wrote about before in the semester. I thought it was a little strange at first that the Viking King gave consent for his daughter to marry the man since I picture a Viking to be a big, mean, stubborn man especially since he was king. So maybe there could have been a little more drama there but it really doesn't need any changing. I really enjoyed your stories!
ReplyDeleteHey Jillian,
ReplyDeleteI really like that on the Home Page you have a small explanation about Eleanor, it helped me with some background information before I began to read the stories. I decided to read all of the stories. I really enjoyed your witting and how you combined the two tales to intertwine so smoothly. I enjoyed how you took created a new tale story with each section. Even though you felt you had to skim back on some of the details because of word count restrictions, I think you did a great job of getting Eleanor’s story told and the troubadours story told very well. I am sorry to hear about your grandfather passing away. It seems like you were able to show the love the two of you shared in your writing with Eleanor and her grandfather. It gave the story a more realistic family love. Great writing and a really great project.
Jillian (honestly, almost called you Eleanor), I see that you do not have a picture relating to your story on this comment wall. I feel as though you are losing so many readers due to this mistake. If you would put a picture on the comment wall like the assignment said to do, your readers would have a much better picture of what your project would be. It would give them more of an incentive to read your story. I enjoyed reading your backstory or "foreword" about Eleanor and why you chose to write about her. I think most of our classmates ignored the Home page of their storybook, so this intro was refreshing. I'm also surprised to see you wrote four whole stories. I think your dialogue could use some flow, but the first story was fine. If you wanted some forward feedback, I would say that your story could be more visually appealing. You don't have many pictures, and the ones you have are only of Eleanor. It would be better to have more action pictures and some pictures of the setting and other characters.
ReplyDeleteHi Jillian!
ReplyDeleteI read your Storybook wayyyyyyy back at the beginning of the semester when there was only an introduction. I'm so glad I got the chance to read it again, especially now that it's finished! I'm so glad that you added a little background about Eleanor to your homepage. It really helped prepare me as a reader for what this was going to be about because you intro is basically a fifth story and just dives right in. For all of your stories, it was really helpful to have the story told by the troubadour be in italics. My favorite of visit was the last one where she got to go home for Christmas. I thought it was beautifully written and a perfect end to your Storybook. It’s very clear that this Storybook meant a lot to you and took a lot of time and care with choosing what to write, especially with the last story. I thought it was really nice that this story had a connection to your own grandfather and that you were able to use your Storybook to remember him. You did an amazing job on this and congrats on finishing!