Feedback Thoughts:Perfectionism

Photo from BK's photostream on Flickr

When glancing over the titles for the possible article readings, the word "perfectionism" immediately caught my eye. I've been a self-proclaimed perfectionist since high school, so thought they would be interesting reads. However I wondered what they would have to do with feedback. If I am a perfectionist, I don't have to worry as much about feedback, right? It seem logical that I would be more open to feedback and want to make whatever I am doing as perfect as possible. However, I decided to read the articles anyway.

The first article I read, 14 Signs Your Perfectionism Has Gotten Out of Control, was difficult to read. So many experiences and realizations suddenly flooded my mind. So many fears and insecurities that I had been hiding away forced themselves into the front of my mind. The first point they make is "You've always been eager to please", which I have known for a long time to be true. In this point, they used a play on the cogito ergo sum by Descartes and said "I achieve, therefore I am". I couldn't help but feel so understood. When I achieve, I usually do not feel happy. I often feel relieved, or indifferent. When I receive feedback which in anyway strongly criticizes (or not so strongly for that matter) part of my work, it often seems to be attacking the very nature of my being. If I did not excel in this, who am I? Even worse is when I do accomplish something and feel very proud or happy, and it is criticized. That cuts even more deep. I don't really know how to go about fixing this, but a good place to start would be actively reminding myself that I am not the sum of my achievements or my lack of failures.

After reading the first article, I was looking for a bit of guidance on how to move forward. I was hopeful Recalibrating the Perfectionist Mind would be a great place to start. However, I was disappointed, and found almost no help. So I skimmed over several of the other articles and found them equally unhelpful. The only other article I read closely was 5 Tips for Taking Feedback like a Champ. The problem I have with so many of these articles is that their advice is "REMEMBER! Other people make mistakes." "REMEMBER! Mistakes are normal. Feedback is how we grow. blah blah blah." It's even more condescending when they tell me this like it's news. Of course I know mistakes are normal and I often remind myself that other people are making mistakes. However, reminding myself and repeating positive affirmations has never, and probably will never, help me. Much of these suggestions they offer I already know and have been trying to do since I was a kid.

I suppose my best bet is to separate myself from my work. To say, this work is not me. My achievements are not me. I know that the feedback I receive is meant to help and be constructive.